This is for Dads

Today is my son's birthday.  He would have been 29 years old today.  I have a word for fathers.  This will be brief.  This will be important.

My son, Nathan, killed himself on September 22, 2016.  He was 25.

When he was young, I worked every hour I could work.  I wanted my wife to stay home with my son and, eventually, my daughter.  So, I worked every hour of overtime I could work plus delivered pizza in the evening on the side.  Fathers, money is not everything.  As a matter of fact, it's nothing.

What little time I spent with my son was strained.  I was an athlete.  I played baseball from the time I was old enough to hold a bat and put on a glove.  There was not a sport that I could not play.  There was not a sport in which I wasn't decent if I played.  I wanted an athlete...someone to follow in my steps...someone with the same interests that I had.  That was not Nathan.  I tried to force him into that mold but that was not who he was.  He was creative.  He was fantastic at drawing and painting...not a ball player.  The first painting he ever did won the Grand Champion ribbon at the 4-H Fair in 2003.  He was 12.

This is going to sound absolutely horrible but it is nothing but the truth.  I was kind of ashamed of my son.  

I was as lost as a ball in tall grass at this time.  I was selfish.  I wanted everybody to look at my son and think how great of a teacher I was...that he could play ball so well because of me and my ability to teach him how to play ball so well.  

Wicked and vile.  That's what I was.

If I have learned anything from the death of my son it is this...

I would spend less time at work...
I would teach him responsibility and consequences for actions...
I'd be interested in the things he was interested in....
And I'd teach him the gospel...the real thing

Dads, I understand that you have to pay the bills.  I also understand that if the bills take every bit of your time and effort to pay then they are too much for you and you've bit off more than you can chew.

Dads, I understand that you want your kids to like you and to be your friend and to think you're a "cool dad".  That's great.  I wanted that, too.  But, that ain't your job.  Your job is to do what is the best for your children, which is to teach responsibility.  Not to wink at stuff and play it off as if it was not a big deal.  Trust me...over the course of time, it will become a big deal and then it may be too late.  Discipline your kids.  Teach your kids responsibility and consequences.  You are a derelict parent if you do not do the hard work of discipline.  They may not like it.  They may get mad.  They may say mean and hurtful and terrible things.  Oh well......they'll get over it.  They need the discipline.  They need what's best for them in the long run, not what's the easiest thing to do to get them to be ok right now.

Dads, I understand that you want your sons and daughters to have the same likes and hobbies that you do.  That may not happen.  If it doesn't, do not force it.  If you love baseball but your son likes painting, then I suggest that you develop an interest in art.  If he likes to draw Pokemon cards, draw Pokemon cards with him even if you can't draw water out of a well...know what I am saying?  If your girl wants to have a dress up tea party with every Barbie doll and stuffed animal on your block, ask what color lipstick does she want to use.  Have I made my point?

Dads, your kids need the gospel.  The real gospel.  The gospel of grace, not the gospel of do nice things and try harder to be a good person.  If the church you attend doesn't preach the gospel...the real gospel....then you need to split and find a church that teaches the gospel of Jesus Christ.  If you don't know what that is, you can refer to my post "Hindsight" for an overview.  Or, you can refer to any of the posts on this website with the word "gospel" in the title.  They'll help you.  If that isn't enough for you, then I'd refer you to a couple of you tube videos called "The Acropolis of the Christian Faith" or "The Shocking Youth Message", both by Paul Washer.  Both are stellar examples of the preaching of the gospel.

I can't go back and have a REDO with my son or my daughter, for that matter.  But, maybe, I can share some things that I learned the hard way with the rest of you.  

Parenting is not easy.  It is not for the faint of heart.  It is not for the weak.  But, I will have you know this.....

Your children were not a surprise to God.  He is sovereign and in total control.  He gave them to you.  He gave Nate and Holly to Debbie and I.  Why He saw fit to give my precious son to a 21 year old, immature boy, I will never know.  I was a horrible dad.  I mean absolutely terrible.  I do not understand the purposes of God.  I cannot understand an infinite God with a finite mind but I trust that His purposes were fulfilled for Nathan through Deb and I.

Your children are YOURS by the sovereign hand of God Almighty because He saw fit to give them to you.  Please, do not fail the assignment He has given you only to find out, too late, that you have failed the assignment He has given you.